The Right To Bear Arms, Deliver Food

The Right To Bear Arms, Deliver Food

Greg Gutfeld
As published in

So who is the most important person in your life? Your spouse? Your child? PLEASE.

If you’re watching Red Eye, it’s the guy who brings you pizza at 3 a.m., when you’re suffering from munchies and contemplating eating your dog.

Which is why we must support James Spears. A former Pizza Hut deliveryman, Spears had responded to a phony call for food, and found himself with a gun to his head. Spears shot the thug three times. But Pizza Hut fired Spears.

Why? Because their employees can’t carry weapons. Well, after a search on Google, because I am a journalist, I found a pile of cases involving assaults and murders involving deliverymen. In Boston, there were 34 armed robberies against food deliverers in just 110 days. In D.C., 16 carriers were mugged in the 4th Police District alone. — I don’t even know what that means.

But these are innocent people, trying to make a living serving strange people, like me, in open robes. And this makes delivering food one of the most dangerous jobs in the world. — Outside of Olbermann’s back-waxer, of course.

Worse, it’s the laziest, lamest thugs that are being rewarded. This “no weapons” policy is like welfare for criminals, rewarding people for not going out and trying to make something of themselves — in crime.

So, what can the fat and possibly stoned brethren of Red Eye do? Well, you can boycott Pizza Hut until they arm their employees, unless, of course, you really crave their potato bites which are filled with cheese and a hint of jalepeno flavor — they are to die for, literally.

And if you disagree with me, then you, sir, are worse than Hitler.

Greg Gutfeld hosts Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld weekdays at 3 a.m. ET.