Lately, liberals (read: statists) have been giving me a hard time about my opposition to a gun control initiative that would limit gun purchases to one per month per owner. Since I a) don’t like the government telling me how many guns I can own, and b) just hate having liberals (read: statists) mad at me, I’ve come up with a solution. It takes the form of a New Year’s resolution sure to make everyone happy (myself especially).

I hereby resolve to help the cause of gun control in America by purchasing only one gun per month in 2008. I hope you enjoy the following selections:

January — Beretta .32 Auto Tomcat

This is a great little gun to purchase if you are having trouble finding a gun that will fit inside the fanny pack you use when you are jogging. Of course, I don’t use a fanny pack when I am jogging but after I buy this sweet little Beretta I’ll have a good excuse to buy one.

February — Walther 380 Auto

This year I plan to adopt a nineteen year old girl who still has two years of college left (at Bucknell University). Her boyfriend is pretty big but he’s often busy studying for medical school. So I plan to buy her this stainless 380 for personal protection. It is both an accurate and a reliable weapon. Plus, she thinks it’s “cute.”

March — Sig Sauer 226 9mm Elite

My friend Barry Whitehead shoots a Sig 9mm with a 3.9-inch barrel. The gun is so accurate that I can hardly imagine the 4.4-inch barrel version to be better. But I plan to find out with this lovely spring purchase. Just in case a Democrat is elected president I want to make sure I have plenty of 9mm weapons that take 15-round magazines (before they re-ban them). This Sig fits my requirements and it’s also “cute.”

April — Smith and Wesson Model 610 10mm Revolver

I’ve been considering a 10mm Automatic for some time but, like many readers, I’ve been worried about the price and availability of the 10mm cartridge. That problem has now been solved with my discovery of the Model 610, which also shoots the S&W .40 caliber round. This is a good side arm for hog hunters. I plan to buy the version with the four-inch barrel.

May — Ruger Super Redhawk .45 Colt

The .45 Colt is the second best home defense weapon — finishing a distant second behind the 12 gauge pump shotgun. But this new double-action .45 Colt has one advantage over the shotgun: It can be placed on your passenger seat in plain view of the would-be carjacker.

June — Beretta Stampede (Deluxe) Single Action Revolver in .357 or .45 Colt

This is a pretty gun. I would like to have about 72 of these — 36 in .357 and 36 in .45 Colt — sitting around the house. Fresh out of the box and never fired, of course. That would be heaven.

July — Browning BAR 7mm Rem. Mag.

I’ve been told that the 7mm Rem. Mag. is the best Elk round available. I intend to find out one way or another. If I’m ever attacked by a an Elk out here on the East Coast I’ll be more than ready. If that doesn’t happen, I guess I’m due for a road trip to Colorado.

August — Browning BLR 30.06

Many of my friends say that the 30.06 is the best round for hog and black bear hunting. I plan to test the theory with this late summer purchase. I feel quite a bit safer with a lever action as opposed to a semi-auto. I also feel quite a bit better now that I’ve shared my feelings with my readers.

September — Ruger 10/22 Camo Rifle

This is a good first gun for anyone. I would suggest it for the novice hunter interested in sharpening his skills on squirrels, rabbits, and other small game.

October — Remington 1187 12-Gauge Super Magnum

My friend Barry Whitehead says I need to take up goose hunting. I learned long ago that one should never ignore the advice of Barry Whitehead when it comes to guns. This model will do the trick. The Remington is, in my opinion, the best shotgun for the money.

November — Browning Over/Under Cynergy “Field” Shotgun

I’ve been thinking about getting a new shotgun for quail hunting. I feel more comfortable with an over/under than with a semi-auto. After all, I occasionally hunt with a 78 year old lawyer. One can never be too careful.

December — Kimber Valier SXS Grade II Double-Barrel Shotgun

I have decided to reward myself with this beauty for a Christmas gift. The 16-gauge with 26-inch barrels should do the trick for pheasant hunting. My only problem is that I cannot decide between a) the Color Case, b) the Bone Charcoal, or c) the Blue receiver.

Mike Adams is a criminology professor at the University of North Carolina Wilmington and author of Welcome to the Ivory Tower of Babel: Confessions of a Conservative College Professor.