When The Chips Are Down

The selling point for the microchips is that they can be implanted beneath the skin, so cannot be stolen. They can be used to access ATM’s, pay bills, sign contracts, verify your identity — all without your wallet — and locate lost or kidnaped children. Should you, yourself, become lost or disabled, a global array of satellites will locate you, or any person who has been implanted with a SIM (Subdermally Implanted Microchip) anywhere on the planet.

A SIM can contain complete, valuable medical data about its wearer, saving lives in trauma cases. It can also carry the wearer’s criminal record, voting record, party affiliation, and level of access to government facilities and benefits, all without the wearer knowing exactly what’s in there. Citizens will just have to take the government’s word that everything is kosher.

Eventually, governments will insist that all citizens have SIMs. You will not be able to use your bank, open home utility accounts, nor sign contracts unless fitted with a SIM, for “security purposes.”

One day, your car won’t start and you won’t be able to get a tow truck nor money to repair it, because it seems that your SIM chip is down. The bank’s ATM won’t accept your SIM’s code, yet you see it accepting the SIM’s of other customers.

Your spouse will call from the grocery store, saying her chip also isn’t working and she can’t buy food for the kids. Once, stores accepted both cash and SIM’s, but by edict of the Federal Reserve System, no one may use cash nor credit cards any more. All for reasons of “national security,” of course.

After hours of begging a government agency for an answer, it will turn out that a 20 year old clerk in Scumpond, Mass., put a hold on your whole family’s chips because of an unpaid parking ticket attributed to your vehicle’s license plate number.

You shout that you have never even been to Scumpond, Mass., but it falls on deaf ears. You are told that you will have to take the matter up with Ms. Dumklerk in person. You telephone the Scumpond City Hall Department of Revenue from your neighbor’s home, as your own phone was just shut off because of your “criminal status.” They tell you that Ms. Dumklerk is on a leave of absence, so you’ll just have to be patient until she returns. No one else can help you, because Ms. Dumklerk encrypted access to all her files with her SIM code, which is against procedure, but they never had time to train her properly because they are underfunded and overworked.

You are told to call back in a four weeks, when Ms. Dumclerk might be back from the rain forest. Sorry.

Unable to buy or sell, you turn to family, friends and neighbors for aid. You need a car to get to work, food, diapers, milk, a kerosene heater for your house and candles, since the electric bill couldn’t be paid.

Your parents try to help, but they are immediately warned at the cash-less register in the store that they are not allowed to exceed their “fair share” in purchasing food and hardware for an elderly couple, which has already been calculated by the U.S. Department of Earth First. Sadly, they give you what little excess they had in their pantry, but it will only help your family for two days. Ditto for your few friends and neighbors. After surrendering their small hordes, most give excuses, because they know what it means to fall under the scrutiny of the government for exceeding their “fair share” of the planet’s resources, as scientifically defined by U.C. Berkeley.

After two weeks, the baby is whining for milk, the children are begging for food and your wife can’t stop crying. You no longer can use a phone to call Scumpond. Your neighbor just told you that his telephone is off limits, since you caused it to exceed the time allotment authorized by the U.S. Department of Communications Conservation. He is now himself under resource scrutiny.

Desperate, with no options left, you remember the old unregistered pistol buried beneath your bedroom floorboards. Never in your life did you think you would stoop this low, but the baby is now screaming non-stop.

Associated Press
Trenton, New Jersey
Trenton Herald
Tuesday, November 25

A typically over-breeding Trenton terrorist, a father of six, was caught approaching an unnamed convenience store on Broad Street with a concealed weapon. Automated sensors sent an alarm to the Trenton Federal P.D. who immediately surrounded and arrested the terrorist. Fortunately, there were several TFPD agents in plainclothes within one block of the incident. As federal policy dictates, the terrorist’s name is being withheld for national security purposes. He will be sent to the island of Guam for a trial by a U.S. Military Tribunal to determine all his accomplices and then be executed. As is mandated by federal law, his immediate relatives will also be terminated to remove the contamination of their defective, terrorist genes from society. All else who are discovered to have aided this terrorist cell will be sent to U.S. Department of Education camps in Ohio. Several neighbors are already under arrest by counter-terrorism SWAT agents.

U.S. Senator Hiram Walker has called for a Joint Investigation Committee to stop terrorist violence, as seen in Trenton, by retrofitting all SIM’s with explosive charges so that federal police agents at the local level may interdict such crimes more immediately. He pointed out the multi-billion dollar savings to the tax payer if the practice of sending terrorists and their genetic carriers to Guam can be stopped because FPD units will have the great privilege to solve such problems locally with the new explosive ESIMs. The Senator stated his supreme confidence that all straight-thinking citizens would welcome the new ESIMs in the name of national security.

Senator Walker added that he anticipates no resistance by his constituents, because such objections would be unpatriotic and thus be in violation of the Amended USA P.A.T.R.I.O.T. Act.”

Jack Duggan ([email protected]) lives in Hamilton, “Fort Apache,” New Jersey, the center of the anthrax letters investigation.